Control

When people get dumped, I don't think they are really that mad because it was embarrassing and that they really liked that person and expected a happily ever after. Well, okay maybe that's possible, but I think people are more upset because they didn't do it  themselves. Because who likes being beat at their own game? Sorry, but if someone gives you a warning signal that they don't have feelings for you anymore, take that hint and end it. Otherwise don't go crying when they do.You see it in the movies all the time guy/girl dumps significant other, significant other get's upset cries, screams and shouts then says something like, "I was going to break up with you anyways". Well you could have but you didn't so it kind of sucks for you right now.

I'm honestly not trying to sound cynical but, it's the control aspect of the sitiuation. No one likes to be out of control. You know those people who are afraid of love and want nothing to do with it? The one's who say they could live with a bunch of hook ups and be fine with it. Many times those people are just afraid of getting hurt. You can't control someone else's feelings and you can't stop them from hurting you. No one wants to get hurt. If you do enjoy getting hurt, you should see someone about that.

Imagine this, you're a teenager who just got their driver's license and it's a big deal. You finally get to drive and you have all this freedom. Now imagine after a few months of driving you're parents tell you that you can't drive for some silly reason and that you have to ride the bus. Tragic, right? There isn't exactly anything wrong with riding the bus, someone drives you around for free?  But it's like you lost something you actually had control over. You could hop in a car and go wherever you wanted, you were behind the wheel and it was all up to you. Having someone else behind the wheel sucks. See I know I can't drive because of my pain medicine and it just makes me sad because I love driving myself places.

Today my nurse asked me if I had to go "potty". I seriously wanted to Gibbs slap him across the back of his head. Like how old do I look? I hate doctors, hospitals and because they seem to be the only one's who can diagnose me and I still don't know what's wrong. I don't like taking medicine because I don't like the idea of relying on something that is only going the mask the problem and not get rid of it. I don't like feeling weak or pathetic and that is why I rarely tell people what the heck is going on. I feel like if someone cares enough about you, they will ask the questions, actually try to find things out. But I do talk to the people I care about because I would never want them to worry. I've only been seriously upset because I couldn't control something and that was my grandmother having Breast Cancer. No one told me she had had it for  a year. No one told me she had surgery. No one told me until they thought I needed to know. Now that may have been a good call but at the time I found out I just wish I could have done something important that could help. I had never taken cancer as a joke but now I take it even more seriously. Breast Cancer Awareness is one of the reasons why my favorite color is pink.

I believe in romance and happy endings. I think that one day the answers will come. That's why I enjoy blogging and writing. It's the one thing I can control, I can create my own happy endings. Somethings are out of our grasps and we just have to go with the flow. But everyone get's afraid sometimes. I can't control how you'll react to this but I hope it means something to you because every post means something to me.

What would you do if......

Someone asked me what I would do if the person in front of me bought the last 3 musketeers bar from the vending machine. The answer is simple, I would push them down grab it and run away triumphantly. Okay, so maybe I really wouldn't do that but it sounds good.  If you're wondering whats so great about this candy bar, it's my absolute favorite.  In the past couple of weeks it's honestly been my lunch everyday and if you don't believe me, I have witnesses. Obviously it's not the healthiest choice, but it's mine. If a guy brought me a 3 musketeers bar for no reason, I would be the happiest person in the world, but that's never going to happen so...

There are certain  ways I would react to different situations and just remember Karma is a bitch. If you don't believe that, ask me how I spilled water all over myself. That is why I wouldn't push someone down unless they were trying to beat me up because I don't want to get jumped at some later point in my life. So What would I do if.....

1. Marvin doesn't win America's Next Top Model Cycle 20?I would probably cry and talk about how much I hate the show and how the fact that he didn't win was stupid.  I would also most likely eat myself into a food coma.

Well Marvin didn't win and I didn't cry. I've just been in shock and you know at least he was happy when he lost. I still can't believe it, a guy honestly should have won and it should have been him. Why can't people see the same talent I see? I was team Starvin Marvin from the beginning, everyone talked about how he wouldn't make it. Well that kid made it to the finale, the final two and he did an amazing job. Jourdan was a great model, I just hated her the whole time. Maybe that's how she won she took all the dislike and having little to no support and turned it into great photographs. I'm really just upset though, not saying she didn't deserve it. I just hated hearing her sob story every step of the way. But she won and she's America's Next top Model and I'm still in  high school dreaming about  being a model, which isn't happening. This is just the first time in a while where I actually got involved with a show and now I'm disappointed.

2. When a character in a book/ show you like chooses the wrong guy?  I would get pissed and stop watching the show for awhile.

3. If some guy I know threw his water bottle at me?  Well this happened, and I ended up spilling water all over my pants. Wasn't really mad because I saw it coming since I started it. So I basically just walked around looking like I wet my pants. Sad, right?



4. If someone told me they wanted to commit suicide?  I would just listen and do my best to help them out. Sometimes all people need is somebody to listen to them. I wouldn't keep it to myself though, I'd tell someone who could potentially help them. I try to avoid any and all situations like this because I just can't deal with it.

5. If a guy I like asked me out? Honestly I would laugh. Only because I can never picture that happening and I'd probably think it was a prank. If they were being serious though, I would have to say yes.


6. If the person in front of me bought the last 3 musketeers bar from the vending machine?

..... All Hell would break loose. 


Life, things get real, sometimes.

Why am I so lame?

Mind reading.

One of my absolute favorite songs is, Hear me, by Imagine Dragons. It's funny because it's like my song, I find it very easy to relate to. Do you want to know why?That's simple, I just want people to hear me. No I want people to listen.The other song is called  Show me love, by The Wanted, it's a sad but inspirational song that really just makes me happy.

I'm no mind reader, I have no clue if people actually like the things I have to say or actually care to listen. Then when it seems like someone finally listens, it's like they are just judging me inside their little minds. Like can you not. I hate having to explain myself and I love the people who get me. I start about five different blog posts and delete most of them, and when I finally come up with a good idea, I'm just like nobody is going to read this because I wrote it. I blog about a lot of my personal experiences and the people I'm around, if you're close to me chances are I blogged about you. Don't worry if I like you it's usually funny, nice things. But  I will say I do feel bad for the friends I stopped talking to, the one's I cut off. I didn't exactly mean to, but I did and I had my reason's sadly.But the thing is, when I miss someone, I talk to them. I at least acknowledge them, just wanting them to know I do think about them.

I watched this move called Stuck in Love, and it was a depressing, happy, amazing movie that just kind of moved me. Lily Collins played a cynical romance hating nineteen year old and Logan Lerman played the sweet guy who just wanted to get to know her. She basically told the guys in the movie she would have sex with them because she knew they wanted to do it and she wanted to do it so it would be easy. Obviously she could read minds. Basically the moral of the story was that, the time makes the heart grow fonder.

I feel like this is about to get personal really fast so... Sorry. 

I needed distance, I'm pretty sure at one point everyone feels like they can't deal with something anymore, they're so over it. Isn't that why break ups happen? I doubt every guy a girl dates is  a cheating man whore. Just like I doubt that every girl the a guy goes out with is going to leave them for that guy's older/younger brother. No pretty sure decent people do exist. So I needed to seperate myself from the people who were causing me the most pain. They never hurt me or did me wrong, I just want to move on. It was like that much needed long run where as you're running, nothing  else matters. It's like being in a free world where it's ok if you look stupid while your jumping on your trampoline because no one is here to judge you. Now I'm no gymnast, but I was tired of doing flips for people who wouldn't do the same for me. I can't confide in someone who can't keep a secret and I can't comfort someone who won't take it. One time I told someone I'd never had my first kiss before and they just told me all my flaws and that I was pathetic. You know whats scary? I'm afraid that I almost believed them.

One of the reasons I love texting so much is because, I actually have time to think things through with out feeling rushed. There are moments when I'm just like, I could have said this or that, but really no need to over think a text message. Sure if my crush texted me I'd probably be a little excited-oh wait- he doesn't have my number. Because, well that would just make me happy.

"I got a thousand friends that follow me/
Just to read about my misery"

I don't want people to listen or talk to me because they think I'm miserable and need comforting. No that is not me. I'm a happy person who's just going through life,I've just come to not deal with certain things anymore. I'm a  teenage girl who just wishes people would understand the way I think about things.I like it when people talk to me because they want to.

But right now I'm just counting stars....

Fears and Insecurities

What's your biggest fear, is it knowing that people might actually see the real you? How many times have you gone back inside you house to change an outfit or a hairstyle because you felt like it wasn't good enough?  Once? Twice? How many times have you done something different just to impress someone and they still didn't notice a thing?

Let's start with a word:

Insecure:

1.

(of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

So let's say being insecure is natural because hey, nobody's perfect but people still strive to be perfect.  Sometimes for themselves and sometimes for someone else. You see I would have never really thought to write something about insecurities because I wouldn't want people looking for all of mine. But one of my friends told me I should talk about them. It's funny because out of all the people I know she would never strike me as someone who is insecure. If fact, after many hilarious conversations I wish I could have recorded, she definitely is not. 

Here is a fun little question, How many times have you taken like fifty pictures of yourself and then decided they weren't good enough because of this or that? Think about it, I can randomly delete all the photos on my phone and not worry about, because they were all selfies no one was ever going to see. It's not the fact that I enjoy taking pictures of myself, okay the stupid ones yeah, I can just never take the perfect picture. There are people who post pictures just so they can have attention brought to themselves, and I give them props because I couldn't do it.

One thing that used to piss me so much, was listening to girls complain and complain about their weight. Most of them weren't even close to fat, so I basically decided they were conceited, stuck up brats who only cared about the way they looked. But they weren't, they were just insecure because they felt their weight was a flaw that people would judge them about.  Think about the movie Mean Girls, and if you say you've never watched it before, please let me punch you in the face. Anyways The Plastics were all just  insecure mean girls who wanted everyone to believe that they were perfect. Regina was concerned with her weight so that made it easy for Cady to manipulate her. Cady was insecure about her intelligence so she started acting stupid to get Aaron to tutor her, only to find out later that he liked her better when she was herself. Gretchen just felt like she had to be apart of something so she did end up joining the "cool asians." Even the the movie was very sexual, funny, and filled with backstabbing it did teach a really good lesson. I mean on Wednesdays we wear pink, some people just want to be apart of something.

It's really easy to feel insecure, I said in another post before, that when people stare at me I just think about every flaw they could be seeing. Maybe it's because I can't read minds, but I sure as hell would love to know why people stare at me. Insecurities kind of go hand in hand with fears, because most of the time you're afraid that people will find out the things that make you insecure.

But honestly everyone is beautiful.

Um happiness?

Let's just say my life is full of laughs. Like even when I'm sad someone could make me sad and I'd be happy like right away. It's what I guess you could call a coping mechanism. So Why don't I just talk about the things that make me laugh and question life? I was going to talk about subtweets and texting but that's not really cool enough to be it's own blog post.

1. The song 23, by Mike Will feat Wiz Kahlifa and Miley Cyrus... I heard this song when I was in a parking lot waiting for my sister one night. I pretty much turned the radio up and died laughing. I was just like wait a minute, was that Miley Cyrus. I had no idea how this musical masterpiece had been hiding from me for so long. Just kidding, it is pretty catchy. My favorite line is, "if you a lame, that's a shame, you can't hang with us," and I think I like it because I'll never be able to say that to someone with out them thinking that I'm crazy.

2.  High School bathrooms. Okay, I know this is weird but I seriously try to stay away from the bathrooms as possible. But they do provide a good laugh every once in a while. I would just like to ask, is it really necessary to block the sinks and the paper towel dispenser just so you can can stare at yourself in the mirror? I don't know how many applications of eyeliner you need to apply, but when you walk out of the bathroom looking like you just got mugged by a bunch of crayons, you need to stop. I mean I have no problem with people checking their make up every once and a while, but when I just want to wash my hands and go to class you need to move. The bathroom walls, make me laugh so much and I just wonder how people come up with these things. Sometimes it's song lyrics, other times it's  who's the most doable guy at the school or which chick is going to get her butt kicked. My favorite was "friends won't always have your back but God will," thank you for that inspiring information.

3. Fox tails . I don't understand why people wear them, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about please refer to the pictures provided. Do you know how crazy it is to look up from lunch to someone walking by with a tail on? Like is there some secret method/ meaning behind them? If I wear one will more people like me? What get's me the most is when people wear them on the side, like it's a tail it goes over your butt!! I know everyone has their own sense of style but if it involves wearing fake animal parts, maybe you should rethink your outfit, because if I'm judging you I know for a fact that at least two other people are. I'm not mean enough to post a picture of one of my classmates online though. I've seen it done and I felt so bad I had to like it. Someone just let me in on the secret already.

4. Why is it... alright for you to text me when you need something, but whenever I ask for something  you lost my number. Don't you just hate when your so called "friend" texts you out of the blue asking for something and if you can't satisfy them, you mean nothing. What makes them so special? If you have no idea what I'm talking about maybe you should evaluate the way you treat people, because it might be you who does it. I'll always want to be your friend, I'll just stop answering. Although if you give me cupcakes we can work something out.

5. My sister's desire to get my friends to not like being around me.... It's life

6. Texting, you have no idea how much I love texting. I can't stand talking on the phone, correction, I hate it. Texting always me to take time to think my answers through without an awkward silence.  Do you know how awkward it is to send the wrong person a text message, especially when it's about them? That's only happened to me about twice. But when people call me I answer and if they can't convince me to talk, I hang up. Rude I know, but don't waste my time and I won't waste yours.

Wow I had so many other things I wanted to say!!! this post will probably get changed in the near future. So for now I hopee you enjoyed this sucky one.

Shit Girls Say

Lol XD I can't even function right now, funny laughs that I needed. 

No holding back

One of my friends once called me a gossip sponge because I had this ability to just listen to everybody talk about their problems and trash talk their best friends. To me it was no big deal because it was entertaining, never a boring day honestly. Sometimes I might have slipped a few details to some people, but for the secrets that really mattered, I kept them to myself. I still do actually. Funny how, I've never really had someone listen to me. To many times have I been cut off mid sentence, like what I have to say means nothing. I hope that one day what I have to say actually means something to someone because I would hate to do all this writing in vain. Maybe the problem is, I just don't quite know who the right people I should talk to are, because I surround myself with the people I comfortable with, that I know. I'm not shy, don't let that shit fool you. I've gone up to total strangers and ate lunch with them before, granted I had a little encouraging.

One thing that really bothers me is most definitely when people feel the need to broadcast every aspect of their personal life to the whole world. You know that saying "I don't kiss and tell" well, you should probably consider "I don't have sex and tell", because nobody really gives a flying squirrel on where, when, why or how awesome the sex you had was. Maybe you think it's "cool" or whatever and that you're the shit but honestly it just makes you look pathetic and immature and like you  can't keep something very personal a secret. I used to just laugh when people told about the things they've done but to be honest it just made me feel uncomfortable and it left some really awkward images in my mind. I mean think about, would you want your parents-no- grandparents announcing every time they did the deed? I think not. 

Oh you you know what I also find annoying? When people talk about things your involved in or know about right in front of you and then act like you're not even there. Like hello, I can hear all the things you're saying and you need to stop stahp. It's one thing to say things that are accurate and it's another to be completely biased and like you're above everyone else. No, I am so tired of being that person who has to hear that  crap. If you want to talk about how awesome you are go look in the mirror or speak to someone who actually cares. It's absolutely hilarious how I'm that quiet girl with all these thoughts but I have to let them out or I'll just be a hateful girl. There is no way in hell that I am anywhere close to perfect, and people probably want to punch me in the face half the time as well, but I would never talk about myself being way better than people at this or that because I'm probably not.

Why can't people just be themselves instead of trying to be perfect for everybody else? It's so sad seeing the same people try so hard to get other people's attention so they do it the wrong way. I have so much respect for those people who are like super fans when it comes to an actor, band, tv show, or artist. Not in like a creepy way or anything, the just know what's going on before it's mainstream. I know people who could quote the Vampire Diaries word for word or name every song by Lana Del Rey before half the world even knew what Summertime Sadness was. I laugh so hard when someone tries jumping on to the bandwagon and then get's called out for it. Because if you were there from the start cheering whoever or whatever on, you have absolute seniority over that person who accidentally Pandora'd a song that came out five years ago. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about getting into something new, but don't do it because you think you'll impress a guy or make a bunch of people like you. When it comes down to it, they'll like you for who you are, as long as you showed them that person in the beginning. I don't know half the rock bands or bands or whatever that people I know talk about, and I'm not going to pretend like I do so they'll like me more.

I am absolutely so over the people who only know my cell phone number when it comes time for them to need something. The thing is never used to hesitate until now. Played me like a cello, I've been ditched a parks, used as a way to get out of the house to meet boys, "can I have his number", " Mercedes come here, will that friend of yours be coming back out to her car I need to ask her something". Well to that last one, how the hell am I supposed to know I can't read minds? Maybe I'm stupid for not realize that half the time I'm being played, but I like to believe there are a few good people that i know. I go above and beyond for people, it's what I love doing. How is a so called friend going to talk crap about you with your own sister, like no can you not? "She can't even get a boyfriend and that's her little pathetic life," I've might not have ever been in a relationship but I sure has hell have had way more fun than you could ever imagine. All those times you come complaining to me about your "relationship issues,"well I'm stress free. My life might be pathetic to you, but it's my life and I absolutely love it.  I seriously wanted to cry but I didn't I just walked away, I got this random hug from a guy whose never hugged me before without even asking so I guess that helped me feel a little better.

It's not about how times you've been kissed or the hottest celebrity or band out there. No it's not about who slept with who and how she might end up sixteen and pregnant. No it's about living life and loving the people you surround yourself with. Because if you secretly hate every thing, you're only holding yourself back from something better. Don't get stuck in unhappiness because you think you have to.

This post went from a good idea to a muddy freaking mess. Sorry, had my thoughts all jumbled up.

Love Triangles

You know sometimes there is this thing authors and writers like to make to, spice the stories up. It's my absolute favorite thing to be able to say "PLOT TWIST," but sometimes there make me angry. Most of the plot twist I have come to know are those little love triangles. Who doesn't love a little drama?
Seriously in many of the books I read, shows I watch,  movies that are pretty hot and even in real life love triangles are pretty much everywhere. Those Twilight fans who were all "team Edward" and " Team Jacob" and I'm just team can you not.  I'm not going to lie when I first read Twilight I was into it, into it enough to throw my book against the wall. But I was never really for a character. Of course when the movies came out people were going to pick the hotter guy, or the character they loved the most. Even in The Hunger Games people picked a team. Of course in the end Katniss picked the right guy and I was happy. It sucks when a character picks the wrong guy, or girl. It makes you so angry because it's like everything you hoped and wished for, fell through the cracks. Everyone was so mad when Katniss didn't pick Gale and I was all happy and giggling to myself, like that's right snitches I won this time. Granted I'm really weird so I actually did do that.

Did you ever watch the show THE NINE LIVES OF CHLOE KING, you know that ABC family show that got canceled after the first season? If so you already know that love triangle. I was so pissed when it got cancelled too. I finally had the time to read that released script of the never made movie. Talk about closure. I was finally able to smile and I was inspired to write like a movie/ television script. Of course I still want to write books but that script looked so simple. And guess what Chloe picked the right guy. If you have any idea of what I'm talking about check out the link: :The Nine Lives of Chloe King final script , if not carry on.  I won't say who she picks though you have to read it.

The one love triangle thing I currently hate is the one from The Vampire Diaries. Elena fell in love with the wrong guy. I'm one of those people that really liked Stefan and thought he was the perfect guy. I know people  who are like that with Damon. But I currently think Elena is stupid and on drugs, that's probably a mean thing to say but yeah, my current thoughts. But another CW show, Reign has a beautiful love triangle. Like this show is going to be all drama and it makes history and I quote "sexy". Mary has to do a lot for her country but will her heart get in the way? I mean both of the guys in her life are pretty attractive but which would you choose or even consider being with?

It's all a matter of perspective i guess. Besides the love triangle isn't officially going, things are just you know alluded to. It's funny because there are a lot more shows too that teens are into that have theses triangles. Like Teen Wolf, and Awkward, heck even Glee had them.

As for real life love triangles, there are probably millions. I could talk about people that I know and their relationships or the people that I like, but it doesn't really matter. Those who need to know, know.