Looks can be deceiving ....

Often enough we judge people, places and things by the way they look. If this doesn't apply to you well then good for you. But if this idea does apply to you do you ever just wonder if people judge you the same way and it bothers you because unless you're a mind reader how are you supposed to know what that person is thinking?

One of my coworkers laughs at me all the time and she literally thinks it's adorable how I have all these thoughts and beliefs about people. She told me to give it a few years and the thought would go away. Today she was joking with me and said I was shallow but she later said that I'm honestly too young to be shallow.  She said that with time the things I wanted would be different, "see now you want a buff guy with an eight pack but when you're older you'll want a guy with a nice 401 k".  She has made it her life's mission to set me up with someone. But when I do judge people I really do feel bad sometimes. Looks can be deceiving just because someone looks like a 10 does not make them a good person at all.  Their personality is also a factor.  

I have another question for you. Do you ever just feel like everyone around you is in a relationship but you are the only single one? That's probably not true but hey it happens. Also we've discovered that I can't tell the difference between flirting and just talking to someone. When you don't have experience in that area it all sounds the same. I'm such a dork it's ridiculous. Now when it comes to crushes I like to shoot for the stars. I'll have a crush on someone I know I'll never have a chance with and that's just  how I like it.  It's strange and maybe it makes me shallow but it's just how I currently see things.

If you used to know me you need to know this now. I am way more confident than I was before. I've done things in the past few weeks that have even surprised myself. Before if you would have walked past me I would have just ignored you but now I say hello. I'm not afraid to talk and I'm not afraid to be myself. Confidence is key and I'm not tolerating mediocrity and or bull. Funny, it's like a lot of my post are about relationships and I know nothing about them.

Hopefully my next post will make much more sense.

xoxo
Mercedes. 

Struggling to write

What's this a blog? Wait something I'm actually supposed to update and write on every now and then. Oops guess I've been forgetting to do something. Wait I actually haven't forgotten, I've been avoiding it. I think one of the reasons why is partially because I feel like I have nothing to say. I feel like most of my thoughts are just relevant enough for twitter, instagram or even a comment section on YouTube but not worthy enough for a blog. I'm sorry about that but from the view counter I don't really think anyone has been checking out my blog in a long time so it's all good.  Atleast I can say I've been into some new things recently and I'm also on the quest for a job so stay tuned for new things coming. What do you think would happen if I became a YouTube video blogger? Probably nothing, I don't think I'd have that many views. I still am on that journey to be AN AUTHOR so hopefully i can finally come up with some coherent thoughts that can be made into a novel sometime soon.
Future blogposts:

1. The Janoskians. (They are awesome)
2. Getting a job, ( You know those normal people who actually have to work for a living)
3. Writing - hopefully we'll see some progress there
4. Many more things but so I don't get your hopes up we can just some stuff.

Also I have been reading a lot but I usually document that more on goodreads  now so check out what I'm reading. It should be in a sidebar somewhere.

Teachers: What do they actually teach you?

Have you ever gone to class  and just wondered what the heck you were doing listening to some old person lecturing you about things you'll probably never think about outside of school? Sometimes I'll finish a class and then I'll just wonder to myself what I actually learned. It seems like a waste to go to school and feel like you didn't really learn anything. But I think the best lessons were the ones your teachers didn't have in the lesson plans. The life advice they give you because they actually have experience and they want you to succeed in the world. The things they tell you because they actually care.

In life you'll more than likely always meet someone who is more experienced in certain areas than you are. Whether it's school, a sport, a job or even a hobby, there's someone out there you could learn from. Those people that share their skill set with you, and try to make you better are just like the teachers you try to make you more educated so you can be successful in life. But sometimes you just can't help but think in your head when your listening to some sixty year old person going on and on about how they used to this and that ans what not, that they are wasting your time. Thinking about it now, I don't think those people tell these stories because they enjoy hearing their voice and want to make young people suffer through a history lesson. Maybe they want us to learn from their experiences and for us to be able to grow from them. They say history repeats itself and that's why you need to be educated on it, so you can see that cycle.


You know that metaphor everyone uses to describe life? Something about it being a roller coaster with many twists and turns and you never know what you are going to get? One of my coaches said to me, that some people say the prefer Merry go rounds, because they just go in circles. That is basically like saying that they just do the same things over and over and they do it because they know there will be no surprises. They also said that some people pick the roller coaster they get on to with the choices they make especially if they know what the consequences are going to be. But there are always those people who don't get on the ride at all because they are really  too afraid to take any risks, so they hold themselves back. When I look back on my life I don't want to be that person who didn't get on the ride at all. I want to be the person that created opportunities and actually did things whether or not they sucked or were totally awesome, I want to do them. 

Life tip #4: To have some excitement every once in awhile. You know when you haven't done anything interesting in along time, it's alright to live a little and do something fun and unexpected. No need to break the law, just get some adrenaline pumping. You know, fork somebodies yard or do some ding dong ditching.

Sometimes you don't have to be in a classroom to learn and experience things. More life tips to come...

Time...flies

It's seriously been  long time. Time really does fly which is crazy. One Tree Hill, is still my favorite show honestly I learned so many things from it. It was a show that I had to share with many people because it was amazing. It is the best CW show. I liked Gossip Girl before I watched One Tree Hill, but watching One Tree Hill was just way more addictive. But seriously It's the oldest story in the book. One day you are just seventeen planning your future hoping for the best and without even realizing it those days of planning are behind you and you've grown so much. Yesterday I was seventeen and now I'm not.
Sure maybe I wish I would have blogged more and sent my book off to be published but there is still my friends plenty of time for that.

Maybe today's post will be short, or you know maybe not. See it's up to me and that's how I like it. I like just typing away feeling free behind the keyboard. I feel driven and sometimes find myself deleting many of the things I say. If you ever see me on twitter you probably won't see many tweets at a time because it takes me twenty minutes to post the perfect one. But what is life? It's my birthday and I just feel so happy. The funny thing is though, I've never really been one to advertise it and really want attention. Sure I'd bring it up, but most of my friends already knew.  But the crazy thing is, is just how much I've changed and my perspective on the world. I feel like I see things differently from people and you know I just want to share that.

Be happy, see the world,
xoxo Mercedes

The Future...

So plain and simple: The future is scary. I'd like to say otherwise and be all wide eyed and optimistic but I can't because it scares me. Anything can happen and nothing is guaranteed and honestly you just don't know what you're going to get.  People say that they can't wait until the future for things to happen, but the future is now and things don't just happen, you have to make them happen.

You can't just live life scared to go outside your bubble because you it's not guaranteed that you'll stay safe. On the other hand living impulse by impulse might just leave you sixteen and pregnant or I don’t know dead. Where's the happy medium? It's so sad when that person who has worked their butt off their whole life and then when they decide to have a little fun something bad happens. It's even more frustrating when that person who has done every impulsive act imaginable, nothing bad ever happens to them. It's like there are rules and exceptions to those rules and then you're just left wondering where you fit in to it all. Life I tell you is just a complicated thing, and it really hasn't even started yet.

Every birthday since I turned thirteen I want to say my parents have told me that I'm one year closer to being tried as an adult. I know that sounds really depressing and also looks like they think the worst of me but honestly, they were being realistic. It only takes one stupid mistake nowadays to get yourself in trouble and you have to be aware of what you’re doing. Like when you get your driver's license it's the most exciting thing in the world, no more waiting for your parents to pick you up. But every time you get behind the wheel you have to know that you could be putting other people in harm’s way if you don't pay attention. It's so stressful knowing that something that can be so fun can be dangerous as well. Sometimes I wish my future self would send me text messages of what not to do because I really don't want to mess up. Like you never know when that important English essay you have is just going to delete itself the night before it's due.

Whenever I think about the future, I think about the show One Tree Hill. It has nine seasons and with every season you just never know what’s going to happen.  My favorite characters from that show are Nathan Scott and Haley; they’re this couple that goes through so many different hardships that you just don’t think will make it in the end. Watching the show makes you realize there is no age limit you have to be to fall in love or become successful, you can get all that by going after what you want. I watch these characters grow and become better versions of themselves and I just wish that I can do the same. The point is, you never know what's going to happen, whether it’s falling in love and getting married at seventeen or being your own boss by the age of twenty two, anything can happen.

Sometimes I just wonder how my grandparents made it this far in life because it just seems like so much. But you know I might be scared but I'm also not afraid of going through life. I know that things are going to happen and many of them might suck, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Control

When people get dumped, I don't think they are really that mad because it was embarrassing and that they really liked that person and expected a happily ever after. Well, okay maybe that's possible, but I think people are more upset because they didn't do it  themselves. Because who likes being beat at their own game? Sorry, but if someone gives you a warning signal that they don't have feelings for you anymore, take that hint and end it. Otherwise don't go crying when they do.You see it in the movies all the time guy/girl dumps significant other, significant other get's upset cries, screams and shouts then says something like, "I was going to break up with you anyways". Well you could have but you didn't so it kind of sucks for you right now.

I'm honestly not trying to sound cynical but, it's the control aspect of the sitiuation. No one likes to be out of control. You know those people who are afraid of love and want nothing to do with it? The one's who say they could live with a bunch of hook ups and be fine with it. Many times those people are just afraid of getting hurt. You can't control someone else's feelings and you can't stop them from hurting you. No one wants to get hurt. If you do enjoy getting hurt, you should see someone about that.

Imagine this, you're a teenager who just got their driver's license and it's a big deal. You finally get to drive and you have all this freedom. Now imagine after a few months of driving you're parents tell you that you can't drive for some silly reason and that you have to ride the bus. Tragic, right? There isn't exactly anything wrong with riding the bus, someone drives you around for free?  But it's like you lost something you actually had control over. You could hop in a car and go wherever you wanted, you were behind the wheel and it was all up to you. Having someone else behind the wheel sucks. See I know I can't drive because of my pain medicine and it just makes me sad because I love driving myself places.

Today my nurse asked me if I had to go "potty". I seriously wanted to Gibbs slap him across the back of his head. Like how old do I look? I hate doctors, hospitals and because they seem to be the only one's who can diagnose me and I still don't know what's wrong. I don't like taking medicine because I don't like the idea of relying on something that is only going the mask the problem and not get rid of it. I don't like feeling weak or pathetic and that is why I rarely tell people what the heck is going on. I feel like if someone cares enough about you, they will ask the questions, actually try to find things out. But I do talk to the people I care about because I would never want them to worry. I've only been seriously upset because I couldn't control something and that was my grandmother having Breast Cancer. No one told me she had had it for  a year. No one told me she had surgery. No one told me until they thought I needed to know. Now that may have been a good call but at the time I found out I just wish I could have done something important that could help. I had never taken cancer as a joke but now I take it even more seriously. Breast Cancer Awareness is one of the reasons why my favorite color is pink.

I believe in romance and happy endings. I think that one day the answers will come. That's why I enjoy blogging and writing. It's the one thing I can control, I can create my own happy endings. Somethings are out of our grasps and we just have to go with the flow. But everyone get's afraid sometimes. I can't control how you'll react to this but I hope it means something to you because every post means something to me.

Mind reading.

One of my absolute favorite songs is, Hear me, by Imagine Dragons. It's funny because it's like my song, I find it very easy to relate to. Do you want to know why?That's simple, I just want people to hear me. No I want people to listen.The other song is called  Show me love, by The Wanted, it's a sad but inspirational song that really just makes me happy.

I'm no mind reader, I have no clue if people actually like the things I have to say or actually care to listen. Then when it seems like someone finally listens, it's like they are just judging me inside their little minds. Like can you not. I hate having to explain myself and I love the people who get me. I start about five different blog posts and delete most of them, and when I finally come up with a good idea, I'm just like nobody is going to read this because I wrote it. I blog about a lot of my personal experiences and the people I'm around, if you're close to me chances are I blogged about you. Don't worry if I like you it's usually funny, nice things. But  I will say I do feel bad for the friends I stopped talking to, the one's I cut off. I didn't exactly mean to, but I did and I had my reason's sadly.But the thing is, when I miss someone, I talk to them. I at least acknowledge them, just wanting them to know I do think about them.

I watched this move called Stuck in Love, and it was a depressing, happy, amazing movie that just kind of moved me. Lily Collins played a cynical romance hating nineteen year old and Logan Lerman played the sweet guy who just wanted to get to know her. She basically told the guys in the movie she would have sex with them because she knew they wanted to do it and she wanted to do it so it would be easy. Obviously she could read minds. Basically the moral of the story was that, the time makes the heart grow fonder.

I feel like this is about to get personal really fast so... Sorry. 

I needed distance, I'm pretty sure at one point everyone feels like they can't deal with something anymore, they're so over it. Isn't that why break ups happen? I doubt every guy a girl dates is  a cheating man whore. Just like I doubt that every girl the a guy goes out with is going to leave them for that guy's older/younger brother. No pretty sure decent people do exist. So I needed to seperate myself from the people who were causing me the most pain. They never hurt me or did me wrong, I just want to move on. It was like that much needed long run where as you're running, nothing  else matters. It's like being in a free world where it's ok if you look stupid while your jumping on your trampoline because no one is here to judge you. Now I'm no gymnast, but I was tired of doing flips for people who wouldn't do the same for me. I can't confide in someone who can't keep a secret and I can't comfort someone who won't take it. One time I told someone I'd never had my first kiss before and they just told me all my flaws and that I was pathetic. You know whats scary? I'm afraid that I almost believed them.

One of the reasons I love texting so much is because, I actually have time to think things through with out feeling rushed. There are moments when I'm just like, I could have said this or that, but really no need to over think a text message. Sure if my crush texted me I'd probably be a little excited-oh wait- he doesn't have my number. Because, well that would just make me happy.

"I got a thousand friends that follow me/
Just to read about my misery"

I don't want people to listen or talk to me because they think I'm miserable and need comforting. No that is not me. I'm a happy person who's just going through life,I've just come to not deal with certain things anymore. I'm a  teenage girl who just wishes people would understand the way I think about things.I like it when people talk to me because they want to.

But right now I'm just counting stars....

Shit Girls Say

Lol XD I can't even function right now, funny laughs that I needed. 

No holding back

One of my friends once called me a gossip sponge because I had this ability to just listen to everybody talk about their problems and trash talk their best friends. To me it was no big deal because it was entertaining, never a boring day honestly. Sometimes I might have slipped a few details to some people, but for the secrets that really mattered, I kept them to myself. I still do actually. Funny how, I've never really had someone listen to me. To many times have I been cut off mid sentence, like what I have to say means nothing. I hope that one day what I have to say actually means something to someone because I would hate to do all this writing in vain. Maybe the problem is, I just don't quite know who the right people I should talk to are, because I surround myself with the people I comfortable with, that I know. I'm not shy, don't let that shit fool you. I've gone up to total strangers and ate lunch with them before, granted I had a little encouraging.

One thing that really bothers me is most definitely when people feel the need to broadcast every aspect of their personal life to the whole world. You know that saying "I don't kiss and tell" well, you should probably consider "I don't have sex and tell", because nobody really gives a flying squirrel on where, when, why or how awesome the sex you had was. Maybe you think it's "cool" or whatever and that you're the shit but honestly it just makes you look pathetic and immature and like you  can't keep something very personal a secret. I used to just laugh when people told about the things they've done but to be honest it just made me feel uncomfortable and it left some really awkward images in my mind. I mean think about, would you want your parents-no- grandparents announcing every time they did the deed? I think not. 

Oh you you know what I also find annoying? When people talk about things your involved in or know about right in front of you and then act like you're not even there. Like hello, I can hear all the things you're saying and you need to stop stahp. It's one thing to say things that are accurate and it's another to be completely biased and like you're above everyone else. No, I am so tired of being that person who has to hear that  crap. If you want to talk about how awesome you are go look in the mirror or speak to someone who actually cares. It's absolutely hilarious how I'm that quiet girl with all these thoughts but I have to let them out or I'll just be a hateful girl. There is no way in hell that I am anywhere close to perfect, and people probably want to punch me in the face half the time as well, but I would never talk about myself being way better than people at this or that because I'm probably not.

Why can't people just be themselves instead of trying to be perfect for everybody else? It's so sad seeing the same people try so hard to get other people's attention so they do it the wrong way. I have so much respect for those people who are like super fans when it comes to an actor, band, tv show, or artist. Not in like a creepy way or anything, the just know what's going on before it's mainstream. I know people who could quote the Vampire Diaries word for word or name every song by Lana Del Rey before half the world even knew what Summertime Sadness was. I laugh so hard when someone tries jumping on to the bandwagon and then get's called out for it. Because if you were there from the start cheering whoever or whatever on, you have absolute seniority over that person who accidentally Pandora'd a song that came out five years ago. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about getting into something new, but don't do it because you think you'll impress a guy or make a bunch of people like you. When it comes down to it, they'll like you for who you are, as long as you showed them that person in the beginning. I don't know half the rock bands or bands or whatever that people I know talk about, and I'm not going to pretend like I do so they'll like me more.

I am absolutely so over the people who only know my cell phone number when it comes time for them to need something. The thing is never used to hesitate until now. Played me like a cello, I've been ditched a parks, used as a way to get out of the house to meet boys, "can I have his number", " Mercedes come here, will that friend of yours be coming back out to her car I need to ask her something". Well to that last one, how the hell am I supposed to know I can't read minds? Maybe I'm stupid for not realize that half the time I'm being played, but I like to believe there are a few good people that i know. I go above and beyond for people, it's what I love doing. How is a so called friend going to talk crap about you with your own sister, like no can you not? "She can't even get a boyfriend and that's her little pathetic life," I've might not have ever been in a relationship but I sure has hell have had way more fun than you could ever imagine. All those times you come complaining to me about your "relationship issues,"well I'm stress free. My life might be pathetic to you, but it's my life and I absolutely love it.  I seriously wanted to cry but I didn't I just walked away, I got this random hug from a guy whose never hugged me before without even asking so I guess that helped me feel a little better.

It's not about how times you've been kissed or the hottest celebrity or band out there. No it's not about who slept with who and how she might end up sixteen and pregnant. No it's about living life and loving the people you surround yourself with. Because if you secretly hate every thing, you're only holding yourself back from something better. Don't get stuck in unhappiness because you think you have to.

This post went from a good idea to a muddy freaking mess. Sorry, had my thoughts all jumbled up.

Are you looking at me?

Do you ever just find yourself in  a situation where everyone is staring at you? Like why on earth would they be staring? Whenever someone stares at me I think of every possible thing in my head that they could possibly be staring at and freak out. I hate feeling like people are judging me, I know they do but I don't really want to feel them judging me. They say when you stare at a monkey, it goes crazy. I think I'm the monkey in this situation. I read once that in France people stare at other people openly to admire their beauty and it isn't considered creepy or rude. But I don't care who you are if you stare at me, I'm usually sending death threats in my head.

Imagine this: you see your crush and of course they look cute as always. You're just admiring the way they look, because anybody you have a crush on has got to be hot... Not realizing you're practically drooling, not cute by the way, when your crush turns and catches you staring. I'm going to tell you now that there are different types of staring and unless you want it to be super obvious that you like this person you better be discreet.  I mean there is  a difference between staring at a guy friend and staring at a guy you want to date.

I really should apologize in advance for the staring that I do, because I stare a lot.... Even if I'm not actually staring at you, it happens. I'll go from staring at an attractive guy, to staring at someone's shoe, to staring at my friends hair, to staring at someone's shirt. I even stare at the ceiling which confuses many people but I guess I find the answers to everything up there. But I always, always look at someone when they are talking to me or I'm talking to them. If I can look you in the eye you can do the same.

I absolutely cannot stand when people wear their freaking sunglasses inside a building. Like is that really necessary? Does it make you feel cool or something? I used to think it was stupid when teachers told students to take them off inside the classroom, well now I understand why. If you wear sunglasses inside there's about a strong chance I'm judging you. I could tolerate a medical condition, and maybe a couple times where you just "forgot" to take them off. But if you do it consistently, it's ridiculous. I can't tell if you're staring at me or the poster behind me, and then I'm just not sure whether to acknowledge you or ignore you without being rude. Does looking at someone while wearing sunglasses inside make you feel powsrful or something. Because it just pisses me off.

I just love it when a teacher stares at you expecting you to know the answer, hey I can stare back so this might last a while.  Do you ever just feel like staring contests can definitely be in your favor? I suck at them but against the right people they work for me. But hey if a guy has really gorgeous eyes, I have no problem staring back, unless they are like way to intense that it's scary. Those moments when you accidentally glance up, making eye contact with someone you don't like, I hate those.

Sorry about my random little rant, I hope you enjoyed it.