Control

When people get dumped, I don't think they are really that mad because it was embarrassing and that they really liked that person and expected a happily ever after. Well, okay maybe that's possible, but I think people are more upset because they didn't do it  themselves. Because who likes being beat at their own game? Sorry, but if someone gives you a warning signal that they don't have feelings for you anymore, take that hint and end it. Otherwise don't go crying when they do.You see it in the movies all the time guy/girl dumps significant other, significant other get's upset cries, screams and shouts then says something like, "I was going to break up with you anyways". Well you could have but you didn't so it kind of sucks for you right now.

I'm honestly not trying to sound cynical but, it's the control aspect of the sitiuation. No one likes to be out of control. You know those people who are afraid of love and want nothing to do with it? The one's who say they could live with a bunch of hook ups and be fine with it. Many times those people are just afraid of getting hurt. You can't control someone else's feelings and you can't stop them from hurting you. No one wants to get hurt. If you do enjoy getting hurt, you should see someone about that.

Imagine this, you're a teenager who just got their driver's license and it's a big deal. You finally get to drive and you have all this freedom. Now imagine after a few months of driving you're parents tell you that you can't drive for some silly reason and that you have to ride the bus. Tragic, right? There isn't exactly anything wrong with riding the bus, someone drives you around for free?  But it's like you lost something you actually had control over. You could hop in a car and go wherever you wanted, you were behind the wheel and it was all up to you. Having someone else behind the wheel sucks. See I know I can't drive because of my pain medicine and it just makes me sad because I love driving myself places.

Today my nurse asked me if I had to go "potty". I seriously wanted to Gibbs slap him across the back of his head. Like how old do I look? I hate doctors, hospitals and because they seem to be the only one's who can diagnose me and I still don't know what's wrong. I don't like taking medicine because I don't like the idea of relying on something that is only going the mask the problem and not get rid of it. I don't like feeling weak or pathetic and that is why I rarely tell people what the heck is going on. I feel like if someone cares enough about you, they will ask the questions, actually try to find things out. But I do talk to the people I care about because I would never want them to worry. I've only been seriously upset because I couldn't control something and that was my grandmother having Breast Cancer. No one told me she had had it for  a year. No one told me she had surgery. No one told me until they thought I needed to know. Now that may have been a good call but at the time I found out I just wish I could have done something important that could help. I had never taken cancer as a joke but now I take it even more seriously. Breast Cancer Awareness is one of the reasons why my favorite color is pink.

I believe in romance and happy endings. I think that one day the answers will come. That's why I enjoy blogging and writing. It's the one thing I can control, I can create my own happy endings. Somethings are out of our grasps and we just have to go with the flow. But everyone get's afraid sometimes. I can't control how you'll react to this but I hope it means something to you because every post means something to me.

Fears and Insecurities

What's your biggest fear, is it knowing that people might actually see the real you? How many times have you gone back inside you house to change an outfit or a hairstyle because you felt like it wasn't good enough?  Once? Twice? How many times have you done something different just to impress someone and they still didn't notice a thing?

Let's start with a word:

Insecure:

1.

(of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

So let's say being insecure is natural because hey, nobody's perfect but people still strive to be perfect.  Sometimes for themselves and sometimes for someone else. You see I would have never really thought to write something about insecurities because I wouldn't want people looking for all of mine. But one of my friends told me I should talk about them. It's funny because out of all the people I know she would never strike me as someone who is insecure. If fact, after many hilarious conversations I wish I could have recorded, she definitely is not. 

Here is a fun little question, How many times have you taken like fifty pictures of yourself and then decided they weren't good enough because of this or that? Think about it, I can randomly delete all the photos on my phone and not worry about, because they were all selfies no one was ever going to see. It's not the fact that I enjoy taking pictures of myself, okay the stupid ones yeah, I can just never take the perfect picture. There are people who post pictures just so they can have attention brought to themselves, and I give them props because I couldn't do it.

One thing that used to piss me so much, was listening to girls complain and complain about their weight. Most of them weren't even close to fat, so I basically decided they were conceited, stuck up brats who only cared about the way they looked. But they weren't, they were just insecure because they felt their weight was a flaw that people would judge them about.  Think about the movie Mean Girls, and if you say you've never watched it before, please let me punch you in the face. Anyways The Plastics were all just  insecure mean girls who wanted everyone to believe that they were perfect. Regina was concerned with her weight so that made it easy for Cady to manipulate her. Cady was insecure about her intelligence so she started acting stupid to get Aaron to tutor her, only to find out later that he liked her better when she was herself. Gretchen just felt like she had to be apart of something so she did end up joining the "cool asians." Even the the movie was very sexual, funny, and filled with backstabbing it did teach a really good lesson. I mean on Wednesdays we wear pink, some people just want to be apart of something.

It's really easy to feel insecure, I said in another post before, that when people stare at me I just think about every flaw they could be seeing. Maybe it's because I can't read minds, but I sure as hell would love to know why people stare at me. Insecurities kind of go hand in hand with fears, because most of the time you're afraid that people will find out the things that make you insecure.

But honestly everyone is beautiful.