Something about feelings.

When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it’s worth something.
— Chuck Bass (@ltsChuck) May 7, 2014

Have you ever met someone and it's like all of a sudden nothing else matters? Like those moments your with them just feel so fantastic that all the bad things in your world just disappear. I picked the tweet above to share because hey, it's Chuck Bass and because it just feels incredibly true. In life I feel like things that are the most worth it are the things that are challenging and difficult. Like right now writing this blog post is challenging because I have a bunch of things on my mind that I want to say but the backspace button seems to be getting a workout. But who knows this post might actually be worth it.

I hate watching movies where  a character ends up with a happy ending even though they didn't really deserve it. Like no where in the storyline do they even attempt to try and in the end they turn out to be the hero or they have a passionate kiss with the so called love of their life. To me that's boring! Where's the excitement, the drama, the tear jerking moments that  actually mean something?I honestly like movies that make me cry because that means I had to have felt something. In the end I think everyone just wants to feel something. Even if that something is pain.

Recently I did meet someone who may have changed my life a little bit, maybe more than that. Not only did they help me learn more about myself but they also made me feel really happy. But what really got me is the fact that I don't think this person really realized how truly amazing they are. I'm not huge on talking but when I do talk it's with someone that I like. But when I'm not talking, I'm observing because I like to watch the little things that people do. Sometimes cute little things people do naturally are the things that make them stand out the most. When people point out your flaws or say negative things about you, it's easy to get stuck those ideas. To think that no one would ever really get to see the real you because all they can see are those negative things. I feel like when someone makes you happy those "flaws" don't matter they just make that person ten times better. With me I have the hardest time showing affection and or sharing my feeling because I'm so afraid that when people discover the real me, they'll realize I'm bad for them. So I've spent a lot of my time pushing people that I actually like away, or I just don't let them in.I But that's my fault and I want to change it. If I keep hiding behind this fear that no one will ever like me if they get to know me, no one is ever going to like me because I won't let them. I just want people to be happy, thats ll that matters to me.

Maybe that's why I don't like movies with a happy ending, because I 'm afraid I'll never get one of my own.

The Future...

So plain and simple: The future is scary. I'd like to say otherwise and be all wide eyed and optimistic but I can't because it scares me. Anything can happen and nothing is guaranteed and honestly you just don't know what you're going to get.  People say that they can't wait until the future for things to happen, but the future is now and things don't just happen, you have to make them happen.

You can't just live life scared to go outside your bubble because you it's not guaranteed that you'll stay safe. On the other hand living impulse by impulse might just leave you sixteen and pregnant or I don’t know dead. Where's the happy medium? It's so sad when that person who has worked their butt off their whole life and then when they decide to have a little fun something bad happens. It's even more frustrating when that person who has done every impulsive act imaginable, nothing bad ever happens to them. It's like there are rules and exceptions to those rules and then you're just left wondering where you fit in to it all. Life I tell you is just a complicated thing, and it really hasn't even started yet.

Every birthday since I turned thirteen I want to say my parents have told me that I'm one year closer to being tried as an adult. I know that sounds really depressing and also looks like they think the worst of me but honestly, they were being realistic. It only takes one stupid mistake nowadays to get yourself in trouble and you have to be aware of what you’re doing. Like when you get your driver's license it's the most exciting thing in the world, no more waiting for your parents to pick you up. But every time you get behind the wheel you have to know that you could be putting other people in harm’s way if you don't pay attention. It's so stressful knowing that something that can be so fun can be dangerous as well. Sometimes I wish my future self would send me text messages of what not to do because I really don't want to mess up. Like you never know when that important English essay you have is just going to delete itself the night before it's due.

Whenever I think about the future, I think about the show One Tree Hill. It has nine seasons and with every season you just never know what’s going to happen.  My favorite characters from that show are Nathan Scott and Haley; they’re this couple that goes through so many different hardships that you just don’t think will make it in the end. Watching the show makes you realize there is no age limit you have to be to fall in love or become successful, you can get all that by going after what you want. I watch these characters grow and become better versions of themselves and I just wish that I can do the same. The point is, you never know what's going to happen, whether it’s falling in love and getting married at seventeen or being your own boss by the age of twenty two, anything can happen.

Sometimes I just wonder how my grandparents made it this far in life because it just seems like so much. But you know I might be scared but I'm also not afraid of going through life. I know that things are going to happen and many of them might suck, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.