Procrastinating on life.

I am a blogger. I have this  pretty little blog where I post my thoughts and the things that interest me and keep it up to date, or so I tell myself. To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I checked my blog let alone wrote something. I keep telling myself I'll check it later or come back and look at it when I have the time. WHEN I HAVE THE TIME? Let's be real here, if I have time to think about something I probably have the time to check it. It's like telling a friend that you were going to text them but you didn't have the time. Yet you had enough time to check your Twitter or Instagram and watch your favorite show, but you did not have the time to text me. But I'm not referring to the fact that someone forgot to text me, to be honest I'm not keeping tabs. I'm referencing the fact that when it comes to life we the way we do things can be some what strange. When did checking social media become more important than checking on you're actual friends. That's friends not followers, the people you call when you need to lean on someone shoulders, not the people you send out philosophical quotes to in hopes of getting an unrealistic number of likes.

We have become a 140 characters or less society. If you can't grasp my attention in that many words , chances are I'm going to be bored. Sure there are moments when you have to sit through conversations, but after awhile the things you don't want to hear get ignored and you move one. I told myself I wanted to be a writer, well I don't see any New York Times best seller with my name on it, let alone actually written a book. I'll tell myself you can write later, it won't take that long to write a book. I want to, I want to write a book, but it's the life experience I lack on. Maybe I lack imagination. I don't even know what this blog is for anymore. Sometimes people, we let things pass us by when really we need to just take every chance and opportunity we have. It's not enough just to dream anymore, you have to go after the things you want.

I have this blog and I'm pretty sure no one reads it.

Slutty brownies...

Now that I have captured your attention, if you don't know what slutty brownies are I'll explain them to you. My friends freaked out when they heard that name. "Slutty brownies oh my God, Mercedes  what are you doing?!" I couldn't stop laughing, the text messages kept coming, "do we need to talk about something..." it was like they thought I was going insane, which is probably true... I'm not going to lie when I told my mom she had this alarmed shock look on her face like I was out of my mind. She was all like "I'm telling your father, how's he going to feel about his daughter talking about sluts," it was actually kind of funny.

 Getting to know slutty brownies...

I discovered this cool brownie picture on Pinterest one day when I was bored and then I realized I could actually make them.Slutty brownies are one layer cookie dough topped with Oreos and then cover with brownie mix. They are super easy to make because you just bake them until the brownies are cooked all the way.  After baking them in the oven and letting them cool for a bit, they are ready to eat and they taste heavenly. My family pretty much enjoyed them they were so addictive. When I was at the store buying the ingredients for the brownies my phone was being blown up. My friend who I quoted earlier had asked me if "slutty brownies" was code for weed brownies. Like how crazy would I have to be to make weed brownies, let alone feed them to my family. I really couldn't stop laughing when I read that text because it so so unexpected. I'm about 99.9% sure that she didn't believe me when I said no. I mean even though my friends and pretty much everyone else thought I was crazy at least the brownies tasted good.

Say something I'm giving up on you...

Every time I come to blog, I tell my self I'll have a cool title this time something people want to read. But I seriously just end up laughing at my stupidity and settle for something lame. That happens with like 99.9% of my tweets. The ones that end up on twitter are like my edited PG thoughts because I don't know what people would say if they heard my real ones. Alright I'll be honest the things I don't share aren't bad, they're just really honest and would probably be considered really good subtweets. I pretty much type something up , laugh at it and then erase it and move on with my life. I really just need someone to share my thoughts with because many of them are really good.

Like I just wrote a paragraph and then deleted it because it felt so weird for people to read. Do you ever send a text message to someone and the feel completely vulnerable because you don't know how they are going to judge it? Like that one message can redefine your whole relationship with that person? you know it happens with friendships too. That's how you know whether or not someone can be a real friend. People are going to judge you and not understand the choices you make, but a few of them will be sure to stand by you when you make them.

Sometimes I'm not even sure I I'm thinking so hard about life. Maybe it's the songs hear on my playlist or something but they inspire me. They make me think about who I am and the person I'm becoming. Most of the songs I hear are easy to relate to even though I haven't been in a relationship or got dumped. But you know what they still play with your heart anyways. When the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger comes on you stop what you're doing and sing. I really love when I'm with people I like when my favorite song comes on because I'm not afraid to sing. In fact I will sing especially if they are willing to sing with me. The best part is I can't sing so it's very entertaining. 

I think at one point there was a point to this post but it got lost in the music, sorry... xoxo

What would you do if......

Someone asked me what I would do if the person in front of me bought the last 3 musketeers bar from the vending machine. The answer is simple, I would push them down grab it and run away triumphantly. Okay, so maybe I really wouldn't do that but it sounds good.  If you're wondering whats so great about this candy bar, it's my absolute favorite.  In the past couple of weeks it's honestly been my lunch everyday and if you don't believe me, I have witnesses. Obviously it's not the healthiest choice, but it's mine. If a guy brought me a 3 musketeers bar for no reason, I would be the happiest person in the world, but that's never going to happen so...

There are certain  ways I would react to different situations and just remember Karma is a bitch. If you don't believe that, ask me how I spilled water all over myself. That is why I wouldn't push someone down unless they were trying to beat me up because I don't want to get jumped at some later point in my life. So What would I do if.....

1. Marvin doesn't win America's Next Top Model Cycle 20?I would probably cry and talk about how much I hate the show and how the fact that he didn't win was stupid.  I would also most likely eat myself into a food coma.

Well Marvin didn't win and I didn't cry. I've just been in shock and you know at least he was happy when he lost. I still can't believe it, a guy honestly should have won and it should have been him. Why can't people see the same talent I see? I was team Starvin Marvin from the beginning, everyone talked about how he wouldn't make it. Well that kid made it to the finale, the final two and he did an amazing job. Jourdan was a great model, I just hated her the whole time. Maybe that's how she won she took all the dislike and having little to no support and turned it into great photographs. I'm really just upset though, not saying she didn't deserve it. I just hated hearing her sob story every step of the way. But she won and she's America's Next top Model and I'm still in  high school dreaming about  being a model, which isn't happening. This is just the first time in a while where I actually got involved with a show and now I'm disappointed.

2. When a character in a book/ show you like chooses the wrong guy?  I would get pissed and stop watching the show for awhile.

3. If some guy I know threw his water bottle at me?  Well this happened, and I ended up spilling water all over my pants. Wasn't really mad because I saw it coming since I started it. So I basically just walked around looking like I wet my pants. Sad, right?



4. If someone told me they wanted to commit suicide?  I would just listen and do my best to help them out. Sometimes all people need is somebody to listen to them. I wouldn't keep it to myself though, I'd tell someone who could potentially help them. I try to avoid any and all situations like this because I just can't deal with it.

5. If a guy I like asked me out? Honestly I would laugh. Only because I can never picture that happening and I'd probably think it was a prank. If they were being serious though, I would have to say yes.


6. If the person in front of me bought the last 3 musketeers bar from the vending machine?

..... All Hell would break loose. 


Life, things get real, sometimes.

Why am I so lame?

Mind reading.

One of my absolute favorite songs is, Hear me, by Imagine Dragons. It's funny because it's like my song, I find it very easy to relate to. Do you want to know why?That's simple, I just want people to hear me. No I want people to listen.The other song is called  Show me love, by The Wanted, it's a sad but inspirational song that really just makes me happy.

I'm no mind reader, I have no clue if people actually like the things I have to say or actually care to listen. Then when it seems like someone finally listens, it's like they are just judging me inside their little minds. Like can you not. I hate having to explain myself and I love the people who get me. I start about five different blog posts and delete most of them, and when I finally come up with a good idea, I'm just like nobody is going to read this because I wrote it. I blog about a lot of my personal experiences and the people I'm around, if you're close to me chances are I blogged about you. Don't worry if I like you it's usually funny, nice things. But  I will say I do feel bad for the friends I stopped talking to, the one's I cut off. I didn't exactly mean to, but I did and I had my reason's sadly.But the thing is, when I miss someone, I talk to them. I at least acknowledge them, just wanting them to know I do think about them.

I watched this move called Stuck in Love, and it was a depressing, happy, amazing movie that just kind of moved me. Lily Collins played a cynical romance hating nineteen year old and Logan Lerman played the sweet guy who just wanted to get to know her. She basically told the guys in the movie she would have sex with them because she knew they wanted to do it and she wanted to do it so it would be easy. Obviously she could read minds. Basically the moral of the story was that, the time makes the heart grow fonder.

I feel like this is about to get personal really fast so... Sorry. 

I needed distance, I'm pretty sure at one point everyone feels like they can't deal with something anymore, they're so over it. Isn't that why break ups happen? I doubt every guy a girl dates is  a cheating man whore. Just like I doubt that every girl the a guy goes out with is going to leave them for that guy's older/younger brother. No pretty sure decent people do exist. So I needed to seperate myself from the people who were causing me the most pain. They never hurt me or did me wrong, I just want to move on. It was like that much needed long run where as you're running, nothing  else matters. It's like being in a free world where it's ok if you look stupid while your jumping on your trampoline because no one is here to judge you. Now I'm no gymnast, but I was tired of doing flips for people who wouldn't do the same for me. I can't confide in someone who can't keep a secret and I can't comfort someone who won't take it. One time I told someone I'd never had my first kiss before and they just told me all my flaws and that I was pathetic. You know whats scary? I'm afraid that I almost believed them.

One of the reasons I love texting so much is because, I actually have time to think things through with out feeling rushed. There are moments when I'm just like, I could have said this or that, but really no need to over think a text message. Sure if my crush texted me I'd probably be a little excited-oh wait- he doesn't have my number. Because, well that would just make me happy.

"I got a thousand friends that follow me/
Just to read about my misery"

I don't want people to listen or talk to me because they think I'm miserable and need comforting. No that is not me. I'm a happy person who's just going through life,I've just come to not deal with certain things anymore. I'm a  teenage girl who just wishes people would understand the way I think about things.I like it when people talk to me because they want to.

But right now I'm just counting stars....