Looks can be deceiving ....

Often enough we judge people, places and things by the way they look. If this doesn't apply to you well then good for you. But if this idea does apply to you do you ever just wonder if people judge you the same way and it bothers you because unless you're a mind reader how are you supposed to know what that person is thinking?

One of my coworkers laughs at me all the time and she literally thinks it's adorable how I have all these thoughts and beliefs about people. She told me to give it a few years and the thought would go away. Today she was joking with me and said I was shallow but she later said that I'm honestly too young to be shallow.  She said that with time the things I wanted would be different, "see now you want a buff guy with an eight pack but when you're older you'll want a guy with a nice 401 k".  She has made it her life's mission to set me up with someone. But when I do judge people I really do feel bad sometimes. Looks can be deceiving just because someone looks like a 10 does not make them a good person at all.  Their personality is also a factor.  

I have another question for you. Do you ever just feel like everyone around you is in a relationship but you are the only single one? That's probably not true but hey it happens. Also we've discovered that I can't tell the difference between flirting and just talking to someone. When you don't have experience in that area it all sounds the same. I'm such a dork it's ridiculous. Now when it comes to crushes I like to shoot for the stars. I'll have a crush on someone I know I'll never have a chance with and that's just  how I like it.  It's strange and maybe it makes me shallow but it's just how I currently see things.

If you used to know me you need to know this now. I am way more confident than I was before. I've done things in the past few weeks that have even surprised myself. Before if you would have walked past me I would have just ignored you but now I say hello. I'm not afraid to talk and I'm not afraid to be myself. Confidence is key and I'm not tolerating mediocrity and or bull. Funny, it's like a lot of my post are about relationships and I know nothing about them.

Hopefully my next post will make much more sense.

xoxo
Mercedes. 

Procrastinating on life.

I am a blogger. I have this  pretty little blog where I post my thoughts and the things that interest me and keep it up to date, or so I tell myself. To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I checked my blog let alone wrote something. I keep telling myself I'll check it later or come back and look at it when I have the time. WHEN I HAVE THE TIME? Let's be real here, if I have time to think about something I probably have the time to check it. It's like telling a friend that you were going to text them but you didn't have the time. Yet you had enough time to check your Twitter or Instagram and watch your favorite show, but you did not have the time to text me. But I'm not referring to the fact that someone forgot to text me, to be honest I'm not keeping tabs. I'm referencing the fact that when it comes to life we the way we do things can be some what strange. When did checking social media become more important than checking on you're actual friends. That's friends not followers, the people you call when you need to lean on someone shoulders, not the people you send out philosophical quotes to in hopes of getting an unrealistic number of likes.

We have become a 140 characters or less society. If you can't grasp my attention in that many words , chances are I'm going to be bored. Sure there are moments when you have to sit through conversations, but after awhile the things you don't want to hear get ignored and you move one. I told myself I wanted to be a writer, well I don't see any New York Times best seller with my name on it, let alone actually written a book. I'll tell myself you can write later, it won't take that long to write a book. I want to, I want to write a book, but it's the life experience I lack on. Maybe I lack imagination. I don't even know what this blog is for anymore. Sometimes people, we let things pass us by when really we need to just take every chance and opportunity we have. It's not enough just to dream anymore, you have to go after the things you want.

I have this blog and I'm pretty sure no one reads it.

Struggling to write

What's this a blog? Wait something I'm actually supposed to update and write on every now and then. Oops guess I've been forgetting to do something. Wait I actually haven't forgotten, I've been avoiding it. I think one of the reasons why is partially because I feel like I have nothing to say. I feel like most of my thoughts are just relevant enough for twitter, instagram or even a comment section on YouTube but not worthy enough for a blog. I'm sorry about that but from the view counter I don't really think anyone has been checking out my blog in a long time so it's all good.  Atleast I can say I've been into some new things recently and I'm also on the quest for a job so stay tuned for new things coming. What do you think would happen if I became a YouTube video blogger? Probably nothing, I don't think I'd have that many views. I still am on that journey to be AN AUTHOR so hopefully i can finally come up with some coherent thoughts that can be made into a novel sometime soon.
Future blogposts:

1. The Janoskians. (They are awesome)
2. Getting a job, ( You know those normal people who actually have to work for a living)
3. Writing - hopefully we'll see some progress there
4. Many more things but so I don't get your hopes up we can just some stuff.

Also I have been reading a lot but I usually document that more on goodreads  now so check out what I'm reading. It should be in a sidebar somewhere.

The Future (Revisited)

Not too long ago I wrote an article about the future: 

 The Future

So plain and simple: The future is scary. I'd like to say otherwise and be all wide eyed and optimistic but I can't because it scares me. Anything can happen and nothing is guaranteed and honestly you just don't know what you're going to get.  People say that they can't wait until the future for things to happen, but the future is now and things don't just happen, you have to make them happen....(for the rest click here)

 

 

But today is the present, the future is tomorrow and yesterday is the past. This is your life and it's crazy how fast time flies sometimes.  So here's some things that happened in the recent past.

1.  Prom-  There was dancing, cute dresses, a chocolate fountain and good music. Also not to mention all the profile pictures that changed because everyone just looked so awesome.
2. Grad Bash- Fun times in a theme park with your graduating class, definitely a fun time
3. Graduation- From high school of course. The class of 2014 did it and I am delighted to say I was one of them. It's crazy to think that four years just went by and pretty soon another four years will go by and that's college. I hope to make the most of it. It's sad knowing that I didn't know half the people in my senior class. Like congrats but I don't know you. But it was seriously just time to be done with high school, no surprises there. It might be a pretty cliche thing to say but, this is literally just the beginning. Our lives don't end with high school, there are so many great things ahead. 

I think that in life we are given some great opportunities and we just need to take them. This isn't a long post so sorry for that but there will be more soon. It's summer, I've got time.

 

 

Something about feelings.

When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it’s worth something.
— Chuck Bass (@ltsChuck) May 7, 2014

Have you ever met someone and it's like all of a sudden nothing else matters? Like those moments your with them just feel so fantastic that all the bad things in your world just disappear. I picked the tweet above to share because hey, it's Chuck Bass and because it just feels incredibly true. In life I feel like things that are the most worth it are the things that are challenging and difficult. Like right now writing this blog post is challenging because I have a bunch of things on my mind that I want to say but the backspace button seems to be getting a workout. But who knows this post might actually be worth it.

I hate watching movies where  a character ends up with a happy ending even though they didn't really deserve it. Like no where in the storyline do they even attempt to try and in the end they turn out to be the hero or they have a passionate kiss with the so called love of their life. To me that's boring! Where's the excitement, the drama, the tear jerking moments that  actually mean something?I honestly like movies that make me cry because that means I had to have felt something. In the end I think everyone just wants to feel something. Even if that something is pain.

Recently I did meet someone who may have changed my life a little bit, maybe more than that. Not only did they help me learn more about myself but they also made me feel really happy. But what really got me is the fact that I don't think this person really realized how truly amazing they are. I'm not huge on talking but when I do talk it's with someone that I like. But when I'm not talking, I'm observing because I like to watch the little things that people do. Sometimes cute little things people do naturally are the things that make them stand out the most. When people point out your flaws or say negative things about you, it's easy to get stuck those ideas. To think that no one would ever really get to see the real you because all they can see are those negative things. I feel like when someone makes you happy those "flaws" don't matter they just make that person ten times better. With me I have the hardest time showing affection and or sharing my feeling because I'm so afraid that when people discover the real me, they'll realize I'm bad for them. So I've spent a lot of my time pushing people that I actually like away, or I just don't let them in.I But that's my fault and I want to change it. If I keep hiding behind this fear that no one will ever like me if they get to know me, no one is ever going to like me because I won't let them. I just want people to be happy, thats ll that matters to me.

Maybe that's why I don't like movies with a happy ending, because I 'm afraid I'll never get one of my own.

The Future...

So plain and simple: The future is scary. I'd like to say otherwise and be all wide eyed and optimistic but I can't because it scares me. Anything can happen and nothing is guaranteed and honestly you just don't know what you're going to get.  People say that they can't wait until the future for things to happen, but the future is now and things don't just happen, you have to make them happen.

You can't just live life scared to go outside your bubble because you it's not guaranteed that you'll stay safe. On the other hand living impulse by impulse might just leave you sixteen and pregnant or I don’t know dead. Where's the happy medium? It's so sad when that person who has worked their butt off their whole life and then when they decide to have a little fun something bad happens. It's even more frustrating when that person who has done every impulsive act imaginable, nothing bad ever happens to them. It's like there are rules and exceptions to those rules and then you're just left wondering where you fit in to it all. Life I tell you is just a complicated thing, and it really hasn't even started yet.

Every birthday since I turned thirteen I want to say my parents have told me that I'm one year closer to being tried as an adult. I know that sounds really depressing and also looks like they think the worst of me but honestly, they were being realistic. It only takes one stupid mistake nowadays to get yourself in trouble and you have to be aware of what you’re doing. Like when you get your driver's license it's the most exciting thing in the world, no more waiting for your parents to pick you up. But every time you get behind the wheel you have to know that you could be putting other people in harm’s way if you don't pay attention. It's so stressful knowing that something that can be so fun can be dangerous as well. Sometimes I wish my future self would send me text messages of what not to do because I really don't want to mess up. Like you never know when that important English essay you have is just going to delete itself the night before it's due.

Whenever I think about the future, I think about the show One Tree Hill. It has nine seasons and with every season you just never know what’s going to happen.  My favorite characters from that show are Nathan Scott and Haley; they’re this couple that goes through so many different hardships that you just don’t think will make it in the end. Watching the show makes you realize there is no age limit you have to be to fall in love or become successful, you can get all that by going after what you want. I watch these characters grow and become better versions of themselves and I just wish that I can do the same. The point is, you never know what's going to happen, whether it’s falling in love and getting married at seventeen or being your own boss by the age of twenty two, anything can happen.

Sometimes I just wonder how my grandparents made it this far in life because it just seems like so much. But you know I might be scared but I'm also not afraid of going through life. I know that things are going to happen and many of them might suck, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Say something I'm giving up on you...

Every time I come to blog, I tell my self I'll have a cool title this time something people want to read. But I seriously just end up laughing at my stupidity and settle for something lame. That happens with like 99.9% of my tweets. The ones that end up on twitter are like my edited PG thoughts because I don't know what people would say if they heard my real ones. Alright I'll be honest the things I don't share aren't bad, they're just really honest and would probably be considered really good subtweets. I pretty much type something up , laugh at it and then erase it and move on with my life. I really just need someone to share my thoughts with because many of them are really good.

Like I just wrote a paragraph and then deleted it because it felt so weird for people to read. Do you ever send a text message to someone and the feel completely vulnerable because you don't know how they are going to judge it? Like that one message can redefine your whole relationship with that person? you know it happens with friendships too. That's how you know whether or not someone can be a real friend. People are going to judge you and not understand the choices you make, but a few of them will be sure to stand by you when you make them.

Sometimes I'm not even sure I I'm thinking so hard about life. Maybe it's the songs hear on my playlist or something but they inspire me. They make me think about who I am and the person I'm becoming. Most of the songs I hear are easy to relate to even though I haven't been in a relationship or got dumped. But you know what they still play with your heart anyways. When the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger comes on you stop what you're doing and sing. I really love when I'm with people I like when my favorite song comes on because I'm not afraid to sing. In fact I will sing especially if they are willing to sing with me. The best part is I can't sing so it's very entertaining. 

I think at one point there was a point to this post but it got lost in the music, sorry... xoxo

Control

When people get dumped, I don't think they are really that mad because it was embarrassing and that they really liked that person and expected a happily ever after. Well, okay maybe that's possible, but I think people are more upset because they didn't do it  themselves. Because who likes being beat at their own game? Sorry, but if someone gives you a warning signal that they don't have feelings for you anymore, take that hint and end it. Otherwise don't go crying when they do.You see it in the movies all the time guy/girl dumps significant other, significant other get's upset cries, screams and shouts then says something like, "I was going to break up with you anyways". Well you could have but you didn't so it kind of sucks for you right now.

I'm honestly not trying to sound cynical but, it's the control aspect of the sitiuation. No one likes to be out of control. You know those people who are afraid of love and want nothing to do with it? The one's who say they could live with a bunch of hook ups and be fine with it. Many times those people are just afraid of getting hurt. You can't control someone else's feelings and you can't stop them from hurting you. No one wants to get hurt. If you do enjoy getting hurt, you should see someone about that.

Imagine this, you're a teenager who just got their driver's license and it's a big deal. You finally get to drive and you have all this freedom. Now imagine after a few months of driving you're parents tell you that you can't drive for some silly reason and that you have to ride the bus. Tragic, right? There isn't exactly anything wrong with riding the bus, someone drives you around for free?  But it's like you lost something you actually had control over. You could hop in a car and go wherever you wanted, you were behind the wheel and it was all up to you. Having someone else behind the wheel sucks. See I know I can't drive because of my pain medicine and it just makes me sad because I love driving myself places.

Today my nurse asked me if I had to go "potty". I seriously wanted to Gibbs slap him across the back of his head. Like how old do I look? I hate doctors, hospitals and because they seem to be the only one's who can diagnose me and I still don't know what's wrong. I don't like taking medicine because I don't like the idea of relying on something that is only going the mask the problem and not get rid of it. I don't like feeling weak or pathetic and that is why I rarely tell people what the heck is going on. I feel like if someone cares enough about you, they will ask the questions, actually try to find things out. But I do talk to the people I care about because I would never want them to worry. I've only been seriously upset because I couldn't control something and that was my grandmother having Breast Cancer. No one told me she had had it for  a year. No one told me she had surgery. No one told me until they thought I needed to know. Now that may have been a good call but at the time I found out I just wish I could have done something important that could help. I had never taken cancer as a joke but now I take it even more seriously. Breast Cancer Awareness is one of the reasons why my favorite color is pink.

I believe in romance and happy endings. I think that one day the answers will come. That's why I enjoy blogging and writing. It's the one thing I can control, I can create my own happy endings. Somethings are out of our grasps and we just have to go with the flow. But everyone get's afraid sometimes. I can't control how you'll react to this but I hope it means something to you because every post means something to me.