Something about feelings.

When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it’s worth something.
— Chuck Bass (@ltsChuck) May 7, 2014

Have you ever met someone and it's like all of a sudden nothing else matters? Like those moments your with them just feel so fantastic that all the bad things in your world just disappear. I picked the tweet above to share because hey, it's Chuck Bass and because it just feels incredibly true. In life I feel like things that are the most worth it are the things that are challenging and difficult. Like right now writing this blog post is challenging because I have a bunch of things on my mind that I want to say but the backspace button seems to be getting a workout. But who knows this post might actually be worth it.

I hate watching movies where  a character ends up with a happy ending even though they didn't really deserve it. Like no where in the storyline do they even attempt to try and in the end they turn out to be the hero or they have a passionate kiss with the so called love of their life. To me that's boring! Where's the excitement, the drama, the tear jerking moments that  actually mean something?I honestly like movies that make me cry because that means I had to have felt something. In the end I think everyone just wants to feel something. Even if that something is pain.

Recently I did meet someone who may have changed my life a little bit, maybe more than that. Not only did they help me learn more about myself but they also made me feel really happy. But what really got me is the fact that I don't think this person really realized how truly amazing they are. I'm not huge on talking but when I do talk it's with someone that I like. But when I'm not talking, I'm observing because I like to watch the little things that people do. Sometimes cute little things people do naturally are the things that make them stand out the most. When people point out your flaws or say negative things about you, it's easy to get stuck those ideas. To think that no one would ever really get to see the real you because all they can see are those negative things. I feel like when someone makes you happy those "flaws" don't matter they just make that person ten times better. With me I have the hardest time showing affection and or sharing my feeling because I'm so afraid that when people discover the real me, they'll realize I'm bad for them. So I've spent a lot of my time pushing people that I actually like away, or I just don't let them in.I But that's my fault and I want to change it. If I keep hiding behind this fear that no one will ever like me if they get to know me, no one is ever going to like me because I won't let them. I just want people to be happy, thats ll that matters to me.

Maybe that's why I don't like movies with a happy ending, because I 'm afraid I'll never get one of my own.

Why I am totally dateable…

In journalism we were told to write a persuasive article about any topic. My friend and I were joking around about what to write so I decided to write a fake article . Who writes fake articles? Lame people who have no life, but whatever. Here is what I came up with.:

Why I am totally date-able…



Did you know that in the world of high-school dating, freshman girls and senior boys have the highest chances of successfully getting together? But their relationship usually treads between the borders of good and just plain creepy.  If you didn’t already know that, I’m guessing you can look around your school hallways and find the girls that are usually called “baby hoes”, just know they didn’t get those names because of their kind hearts. So why is it, that many senior girls are often single? One website claims it’s because they’re “picky” and won’t give certain people a chance. Yeah, that’s probably true because after four years of dealing with the same guys, they probably just know what they want in a relationship. After being taught over and over again that boys just want sex and that’s all they want, it’s amazing that girls still date. But thinking about it that's not really true because, girls think about sex just like any guy except they will probably lie about it or freak out that you asked them that sort of question. Besides, if you don’t feel comfortable enough talking about sex, you most likely shouldn’t be having it in the first place.

Chances are that if you are reading this you are probably single. Well guess what so am I, and have been for the past seventeen years. So instead of letting an opportunity go by, I’m just going to tell you why I am totally date-able. Sadly I don’t think saying “because I’m awesome,” will be convincing enough and it makes it sound like I think too highly of myself. On a serious note, I’m not really a mean person and I don’t have a “type”.  So maybe I do have a “type”, but let’s just say you fit it. Now sometimes music choices can make or break a relationship, but I don’t really care what you listen to as long as your little heart is happy. If you want to listen to Taylor Swift be my guest. But  I really don’t hate on people’s music choices but I just don’t understand many of them, if you listen to Selena Gomez though you’re winning.I'll pretty much listen to anything because I like giving songs a chance before I decide I absolutely hate them.  I’ll sing with you, really I’m a bad singer, but in the end I’m willing to look stupid as long as it’s fun. I enjoy horror movies, and by enjoy I mean I like hiding behind pillows and  jumping from my seat when things happen. So at least if we watch one together you can get a good laugh because my reactions are pretty hilarious. I’m really honest, if you do something stupid, chances are I’m going to tell you and not to make you feel dumb either. AlsoI like being right, but I don’t mind being wrong, I’m not going to explode with anger if you know something I don’t. Just don’t question my intelligence and I won’t question yours.               

My personality type is type B, which means I’m pretty relaxed and easy going so at least you know I’m not going to freak out at a drop of a dime. I’m kind of a mix between type A and B, but I think being angry and holding grudges is a waste of time.  I’m a runner, if that says something, it says it all. I put in a lot of energy to run, which is why I really don’t get into fights and I stay pretty relaxed.  Also I like to work out and being healthy and I am not one of those girls who complain about their weight. If you think I’m not skinny enough, tough luck kid, go date a toothpick.  If you decide I’m worth dating, just know I do like sarcasm but I limit it so you know how I really feel. But I like discussions and debates, on simple things. I don’t talk politics and I really don’t discriminate against other people’s religious views. I like to read, which means I have patience and I’m pretty committed, but maybe reading has nothing to do with either of those things. If you like reading we can have discussions about books! Even though that sounds really lame, and would probably make us losers.  I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind or what I’m feeling, in fact if we’re going to be losers , we will be the most amazing losers in the world.  I’d do anything for the people I care about, and chances are, if we’re dating I probably would have to like you at least a little bit. I'm a really, really good listener.  If you called me in the middle of the night or the middle of the day saying you needed someone to talk to I’d answer, always. If you needed a person to lean on I’d be over in a minute. Just know I can only bench press seventy five pounds so don’t expect to be throwing all of your weight at me...but I would be there.

I’m a girl, so chances are you think all girls have some crazy freak bipolar tendencies, and I’m here to tell you that that is sometimes true. I like to keep my emotions plain and simple and I don’t need to act sad to get people’s attention. Ask me what’s wrong and I’ll tell you. If I say something like, “I don’t want to talk about it,” that damn right means “I really want to talk about it and for you to listen, but I don’t want you to think I’m annoying.” I don’t do leading people on, that crap gets old and after a while even little kids stop chasing butterflies. I really like laughing and I enjoy making other people laugh, but I really don't consider myself funny at all. If you laugh it’s usually when I’m not trying and my favorite thing to see is a smile on someone’s face. If you’re smiling like a creep though, we might need to talk.

There are many things a person can fear, I’m probably scared of a 101 things but you’ll never know what they are unless you ask. If you ask me for my number that’s like a guaranteed yes, because you asked and the only other guy who has asked me was like my coaches son. I’m a pretty good multi-tasking, I wrote this while I was working on my English homework, aren’t I cool?  You know how when you meet someone, something about them can just stand out and you know you like them? Well the first thing I notice about a person is their smile and their eyes. I like guys who aren’t afraid to show emotion and I just like happy people. But, rarely will I ever mention to a guy that they have nice eyes, and if I do I’m either on some weird medication, or I like that person. It really doesn’t matter what color eyes you have, although I have a favorite. I hope my personality makes up for brown eyes because let’s face it, they’re basic.

Drama is pretty pointless, and I don’t even like to go near it. I wouldn’t even take the class. Sure after watching Mean Girls, I kind of wish I could see that type of drama but no, I don’t even want to be a part of it. It get's annoying when other people get involved in personal things and that is something I don't have patience for.

They are probably many different reasons that I’m date-able, but I’m trying not to sound too pretentious. But I hope you found what I had to say at least a little bit interesting. This probably wasn't proof read.  I try not to bore people to death, sorry but I’m not sorry if I did.

Sex & Violence

Maybe I have captured your attention with that title. But fear not this isn't some racy discussion about the topics of sex and bad things about it or how sex leads to violence or that if you have sex you will die. Sorry that's a run on sentence and a little bit of a mean girls reference, but seriously I read a book and that was its title....

What?!! I read a book? I know, it's crazy and sadly it's actually been awhile since I posted something I could call a decent book "review" or you know recommendation.  So I hope you guys appreciate this one, because this book was different for me.

Now the book is called, Sex & Violence, by Carrie Mesrobian. What threw me off though was the fact that the story was well written and in a guy's point of view and not many people can pull off the opposite sex view with out it being too biased but Mesrobian pulled it off. I have read some pretty disturbed books that were in a guy's point of view, and some times they switch. It was harder to tell which characters were more into sex than the other because both view points were pretty bad.

So anyways the story is about a teenage boy named Evan Carter and how he was used to being the "Freaking new guy" and basically had the ability to charm his way into most girls pants since he never really stayed in one place for so long. Well his actions kind of get back at him, let's just say that karma kicked his ass, and his actions also bring harm unto a girl he get's involved with. After experiencing Karma, Evan's dad moves them to a safer more permanent location where he can recover and learn more about himself. Not many guys can admit that they are assholes or slutty whores but Evan admits it right off the back and from the beginning of the story you watch him grow and change as a person. That sounds kind of corny and he isn't some butterfly experiment but his experiences are kind of thought provoking.  In this book about a summer of last chances and recovering there is a lot to be loved.

I love this quote alluding to Evan's father:

"He treated stuff like that how I'd imagine a father would treat his daughter's mentstrual cycle-with caution and distance." 

I think anybody could read this book, it's a little sensitive but it isn't a bad read so check it out. 

The Kissing booth...

        Reputations, rumors, fights, romance, high school, and a first kiss.For some people the have their first kiss in like elementary school and it's no big deal because boys and girls have cooties and it wasn't serious anyways. For others it's that first relationship in junior high where both the boy and the girl are shy and it's going to suck no matter what because it's just awkward and neither of you know what you are doing. Or maybe that's just what I've read in books but then again, they were talking about sex so... Sorry if that doesn't apply to your experiences. It's sometimes very rare to come across someone in HIGH SCHOOL who hasn't had their first kiss yet. If their friends are jerks they probably get made fun of, " what you've never kissed anyone?", "my god you need to get laid", and "you are missing out", sure none of that's demeaning or depressing but it gets annoying. Talking from experience by the way, because I'm just lame like that.

      So what do you do when you haven't had your first kiss and one of your friends need you to fill their spot in a kissing booth? You read the book "The Kissing Booth", by Beth Reekles to find out. I'm kind of kidding but seriously you should read the book. It's got an awesome love triangle in it too. For the main character it's all about choosing the right guy and sometimes choosing between your best friend and a guy that makes you feel even more special than your friend does is hard. All the drama, it all starts from one kiss. Well the feelings were there before the kiss but yeah, the kiss started it all. I think I laughed through a lot of this book because it was funny and exciting and totally awkward all at the same time. My mom often asks me what book I'm reading so that she can 'bond' and 'talk about it' with me, but I read the strangest books and she reads to slow so that doesn't really work out. This book was really good and I would recommend it to anyone and it was written by a seventeen year old girl so props to her. But imagine watching some awkward sex scene on Vampire Diaries or The Secret life and having your grandma walk in. It's just very uncomfortable.

     So yeah, read the book because  you'll enjoy it.

OMG

You know what? I just feel like being really random and really weird because it just seems like I have nothing better to do obviously. :( Yesterday was "ManCrushMonday" or  "ManCandyMonday", basically every female in the online world tweet about their crushes, and favorite guy celebs. Basically if you ever hear of the term "thirsty", then you already know when it comes to Monday's, the thirst is real. Tweeting about these crushes just creates a less awkward way for someone to tell someone they like them without being weird. Sometimes it's just friends messing around with each other and it just sets a lighthearted atmosphere. Hey, I'll even admit to it, Monday's even I'm tweeting about man crushes. I'll probably never understand why "WhiteGirlWednesday" is so popular, but you know what ever floats your boat.

Yesterday was just different because I was just tweeting like I seriously had nothing better to do, like it was ridiculous. There are some people who practically live on Twitter but they make it work. I on the other hand, should not be allowed on twitter some days unless I'm live tweeting about falling to my sudden death. But even then my death should be sudden and if it's not I should be more focused on surviving rather than tweeting. There have been moments when I just feel like that sudden creative burst and then twitter comes up on my screen and I just go at it. Obviously whenever that happens in the future I should finish writing my book, rather than tweeting about the kid in my fifth period class. Not that I do that, more like the kid in my first.

Sometimes I love being apart of social media, even though it's not always the best you can seriously be introduced to some of the coolest things. Like who doesn't love those hilarious vine fails that get put on Facebook all the time. Seriously the only reason I go on there.  I love those days where I can just talk about anything, which just really is me talking about nothing... It's fun.

On a random note I could really use some of these...

The Boyfriend App

Are you a single girl looking for love? Have you ever put yourself out there for a guy and then discovered that he defiantly has no feelings for you, like at all? Tired of seeing all those happy couples? Well if the answer to any of those questions is pretty much yes, the Boyfriend App is right for you. The book that is, the app itself doesn't really exist. Audrey McCarthy, isn't really looking for love when she decides that she wants to make the Boyfriend app, she just wants to win a scholarship that could pay for her college in it's entirety. The Boyfriend App starts off as a basic matchmaking site. Helping high school girls find true live amongst guys they would probably never give a second look at. But a problem soon occurs.

Rejection 

Everything goes smoothly for many of the people using the app but the harsh reality soon comes into the picture as guys start rejecting the girls. With guys, they aren't afraid to be honest especially if they like to be jerks and make girls cry. So how can Audrey's app win her the scholarship if people keep getting their hearts broken? What happens when Audrey's ex best friend, Blake, starts getting jealous of the attention Audrey is getting?  Audrey has never had this kind of attention before and having a celebrity involved too, it's very overwhelming. After her father's death all she wanted to do was blend in and after being bullied and made a fool of maybe it's a good thing when Audrey starts standing out in a more positive way.

Follow Audrey on this crazy journey of love, heartbreak, blackmail, and bullying. You won't be bored.

Love Abroad

Growing up, I always wondered what life would be like if my parents had sent me to a boarding school. Being a military brat it probably would have given me a stable environment to live in. I never thought about the possibility of falling in love at boarding school, and I definitely never thought about going to one over seas. But let's be honest how cool would that be? To be on your own in another country. Visiting cool places with your class mates all the time, and learning the language, unless you already know it. I like to explore so I wouldn't even be mad about getting shipped off. I've been independent my whole life and pretty adaptable. But what happens when you feel like you're being forced to go some where for your senior year of high school? All those friends you made won't be there for you at your new school... What happens when you start developing a relationship with someone and are forced to leave them behind only to start having feelings for someone else? Will people get hurt or will everyone be happy in the end? Will you discover new things about yourself or give up on trying new things?

Meet Anna...

Anna had  a perfect plan going. She was going to start dating her crush and have the best senior year ever. This soon comes to a halt after Anna's  dad decides to send her to a boarding school in France for Americans. He wants Anna to become more cultured. For the first time in her life Anna will learn what it feels like to be alone, have all the friends in the world, and she'll learn what love and happiness is all about.  Follow Anna on her journey.

What I thought?

This book was really good. It kind of messes with your emotions because you wish that certain things didn't happen. After reading this book I want to learn French and Italian and just travel the world. It's a romantic novel that will make you wish you could experience the similar things Anna is going through. It was kid of a short read, that is if you are a really fast reader, but I'd recommend just slowly enjoying the story. You won't regret reading this book.